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Thursday 8 May 2014

Holidays

In the holidays we went to the warehouse to buy some shoes after that I went to the shops with my uncle then I went to Pak n save with my cousins then I went to sylvia park then I went to the movies with my Aunty then we bought some popcorns and drink after that we went to watch The Lego Movie after that we went back to Glen Innes and I had Mcdonalds to eat some hot chips and I went back to my Auntys house.
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1 comment:

  1. Unknown12 May 2014 at 11:02

    Hi Andrew,

    Wow, you sure had a busy day! Two things that I think you need to think about in order to make your writing stronger. First you need to think the words "and then" or "after that" instead of writing one very long sentence. Start each sentence or idea with different words instead of "then" or "after that". The second thing to think about is - instead of making a list of all the things you did that day, tell your reader more details about part of your day. Include details that make what you did more lively and entertaining to read about. I'm excited to see how much better your writing is going to get this year!!!

    Mrs. Barks

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